Twelve Ways Companies Drive Us Nuts

You know what's really maddening? These problems would be easy to fix.

PCs and peripherals are speedier, flashier, and cheaper than ever, and the Web continues to grow and improve. Sadly, however, the development of customer service in the technology industry seems to be stuck in the slow lane. If companies would give their customers just a fraction of the attention they typically devote to transfer speeds and storage capacity, the resulting goodwill would have to improve their sales. But obviously, some businesses need help. So here are a few of my pet peeves, and some modest proposals for alleviating them.

Rebate? What rebate? It's a simple concept, really: You buy a product, maybe offer a few details about yourself, and the company sends you a little kickback just to say thanks. So how come so many companies can't seem to get it right? One reason is that rebate programs are almost always processed by third-party fulfillment houses that just don't seem to care whether you get your check on time--or at all, for that matter. My suggestion? How about ditching the archaic clip-and-snip, stamp-and-envelope approach in favor of an automated online system like the ones used to track packages? If we consumers could follow a documented electronic trail, we wouldn't have to waste time making copies and writing letters to prove that we followed the rules. And we'd be able to figure out exactly who to call if the check still doesn't arrive.

Upgrade the upgrades. In computer years, my PC is a senior citizen. In fact, I've been tempted for months now to let its aging processor retire to a simple life of visiting Disneyland.com with the kids. So why am I clinging to my trusty but tiring Pentium III? I dread the prospect of arduously reinstalling all my current applications, drivers, system settings, and customizations from scratch. So come on, guys: If you want to sell more PCs, come up with a safer, easier way to move all the stuff we love from our old machines.

AOL: Cut the spam. My regular Internet service provider offers a remarkably effective spam filter, so being pelted with ads for Viagra and low-interest mortgages isn't a day-to-day problem for me. But the next time I'm in the market for some unprescribed drugs or a debt-consolidation program, I know exactly where to turn: to America Online. I use my AOL account as a backup--for mail forwarding when I'm traveling, say, or when I need to give an e-mail address to someone who I never really want to hear from again. Then every week or so I muck out the mailbox, and by the time I'm done I feel like heading for a shower. I've spent some time trying to set up filters and controls, but it never seems to do much good. On its site, AOL (for whom PC World provides some content) claims to take a tough stand on spam. So how come it still allows so much of the junk to pass through its servers? We all know that times have been tough at AOL lately; maybe if the service cleaned up the spam, it would get more loyal users.

Hijacker ads. If anything could be more profoundly annoying than pop-up ads, it has to be their maniacal siblings, hostile-takeover ads. You know the type (you may even have seen one on PCWorld.com): They appear out of nowhere, careening loudly across your browser in the form of an animated racing car or a stunt aircraft, or they zap your screen repeatedly with a simulated lightning bolt. Then just as swiftly they disappear, leaving you wondering (a) what the hell that interruption was for, and (b) whether you have any legal recourse against the perpetrator. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I don't think launching surprise attacks on unsuspecting users with obnoxious animated characters is the best way to win new customers. So to the companies that employ these loathsome tactics: Stop it. It only makes us hate you.

You want RAM with that? Recently I wandered into a local electronics store to check out the latest PDAs. As I perused the gadgets, a salesperson who resembled Carrot Top on a bad hair day ambled over. "Those are cool, huh?" he grinned. "I have one of these myself. Sometimes I play tunes while I'm working." He went on to explain, in elaborate detail, the ins and outs of downloading and playing MP3 files on his Sony Clié, but when I asked him about the other applications that came bundled on the device, he gave me a blank stare. "Uh, I think it comes with some sort of spreadsheet thing, and some other stuff, too," he stammered, "but I don't really know much about it." Huge surprise. I understand that no salesperson can be an expert on everything, but it seems reasonable to expect them to be able to answer basic questions about the products they sell. After all, if they could, we might even be more likely to buy. And isn't that what stores want?

Flash and flashier. When I go online, I want information and I want it now. I don't want to waste time waiting...and waiting...and waiting...while the page loads hyperactive hyperlinks, gimmicky graphics, and tickertape text. Sure, I could adjust my browser's settings to eliminate these distractions, but why should I be forced to? Here's a plea to the legions of overly creative Web designer wannabes: Keep it simple! Do all of us poky dial-up users (and everyone else with eyes and ears) a favor--save the animated hula dancers and synthetic renditions of "Crocodile Rock" for your personal Web site and leave us out of it.

Take a bill, any bill. Every month I receive a whopping nine separate bills from six different companies for my various telecommunications services. Lest you suspect that I'm an obsessively wired propellerhead, those services consist of three telephone lines--one home, one office, and one dial-up Internet connection--plus long-distance service for two of them; two Internet accounts; a cell phone; and cable television. In many areas of the country, a single company may offer all of these services. But even then, such companies send separate bills. Now, I'm all for consumer choice and an open marketplace, but I have to admit that if one company offered to fulfill all my telecommunications needs and to send me a single, comprehensive bill that didn't require an advanced degree to decipher, I'd take a hard look at it. And I'll bet I'm not alone.

Software stowaways. You've just downloaded the latest version of your favorite Web browser, and now you're ready to start surfing. But wait a minute, what's this? A link to some financial service you've never heard of is now front and center on your system. And here's a logo for an unwanted telephone service in your Favorites folder. If you weren't careful, you might have a new chat client installed on your computer, too. Maybe some users out there really appreciate these corporate group-hugs, but I prefer to deal with one company--and one application--at a time. If I need other services, I know where to find them. So how about at least letting people opt out of the adfest?

Don't call us, we'll ignore you. Call me old-fashioned, but when I purchase something, I like to believe that at least one living, breathing, knowledgeable human being is behind the deal. That's why I'm constantly amazed at the number of online retailers that seem to be managed and operated with little or no human involvement whatsoever. You'll know that you're dealing with one of these companies if it takes more than ten clicks to find a telephone number--if you can find one at all. Another sign: Your e-mail messages either are ignored outright or trigger canned responses that have nothing to do with your question. Memo to the titans of e-commerce: Just because we shop online doesn't mean that we're antisocial or that we're capable of a warm and satisfying relationship with your servers. Hire a few human beings, and we'll be more likely to shop with you again.

No password? Get lost! Here's another thing that bugs me about online shopping: Why do so many Web sites force me to create a user name and password--in addition to surrendering all my credit card and shipping information--just to buy something? I have more than enough passwords to keep track of without creating a new one every time I want to make an impulse purchase. Isn't the purpose of e-commerce to make things easy for the folks with the credit cards?

Clean up after yourself! If my mother taught me one thing, it's to be neat--especially when I'm a guest in someone else's home. Unfortunately, quite a few software developers never learned that lesson. I install and uninstall software all the time, and my Registry looks a lot like the floor underneath my refrigerator. No wonder my system is prone to random error messages and crashes. A utility like Norton CleanSweep does a pretty good job of excising the clutter, but here's a better idea: Software writers, don't leave a mess behind for someone else to clean up. If I say I want to uninstall your program, don't leave bits and pieces of code lying around where someone might trip over them. Clean it all up. And when you're finished, call your mother.

Save the world from spam. Okay, so this gripe isn't so much about companies, it's about us. Why do so many otherwise intelligent people seem to turn off all their discriminating faculties once they enter their in-box? Example 1: Those e-mail messages with the desperately important sounding headers that describe the technological apocalypse that will surely overwhelm your computer if you don't immediately delete certain files from your hard drive. Inevitably, of course, the "dangerous virus" turns out to be an essential Windows utility, and deleting it is like shooting yourself in the floppy drive. Example 2: The spam forwarded by well-meaning friends who plead for you to continue the chain so you can save a sick child or end deforestation in Bora Bora.

Unfortunately, most of these e-mail chains do little to help anyone, and many of them are outright ruses. Want to help the world? Before you click the forward button, double-check your facts. Visit Sophos to read information about virus hoaxes. And check out Snopes.com to get the straight dope on other scams. A little knowledge could save all of us a lot of time.

Anne Kandra is a contributing editor for PC World. E-mail her at consumerwatch@pcworld.com. Click here for more Consumer Watch columns.